Curvy Girls

Once again, conversations with people and thoughts I've been having are converging nicely into a blog post topic. Nice when that works out. The topic for this blog post started brewing in my mind last Saturday, when I went to my first Zumba class. I felt really self-conscious because I was one of few "skinny chicks" there. I know, I know--I can hear you groaning, swearing at me, etc. but hear me out. I know I am supposed to be thankful for being thin, and I am, but I have always wanted to be a curvy girl. Curves are healthy, feminine and very sexy. I feel like I'm stuck in a twelve-year-old's body most of the time. When my kids try to cuddle on me, I feel like I have nothing to offer them. My daughter has actually complained before about my bony hips poking her when she tries to hug me!

Anyway, I went to this Zumba class because a friend invited me, I love to dance, and I know I need to get my heart pumping more often than I do. But when I walked in I was afraid the women would glare at me and wonder why I was in there if I obviously didn't need to lose any weight.

So that was the first time I thought about writing this post. Odd as it seems, I need to redefine beauty so that I can accept my bony shoulders, flat chest and lack of hips and see them as beautiful.

Then I started hearing more and more comments about "big women" this week. After the Grammy Awards I heard more than one person talk about Adele's beauty, and how classy she looked, and how they love how "real" she is. By "real", we all mean "not skinny". I, too, love her look. I think it's wonderful to have a woman like her on stage and in the media. I just wish it weren't so...surprising. We're so conditioned we don't even realize that by complimenting a woman like Adele on her boldness in being big, we are solidifying the dichotomy between sexiness and curves. And by curves I don't mean big breasts and swaying hips. I mean an all around largeness that includes waist, thighs and butt. Yes, I said it.

Then a friend posted this video on Facebook entitled "Courageous Beauty". I was, of course, immediately compelled to watch. The speaker, Brittany Gibbons, talked about her experience as an overweight woman and a particular event in her life that required a lot of courage. Apparently she and others stood in Times Square in their bathing suits on The Today Show (I think that's what it was...) in order to start presenting a new kind of beauty to the world at large. She said she needed to redefine beautiful so that women of all sizes could feel better about how they look rather than constantly trying to live up to impossible expectations of thinness.

Well, if you follow the link and find the video on YouTube, you'll see some pretty harsh comments about how she really isn't beautiful--she's just fat and lazy and she needs to stop showing off in her bathing suit and start developing a healthier lifestyle. Ouch.

There may be some truth in the part about being healthy. We all need to take care of ourselves. But in this society, obesity is not just a matter of laziness. We have grown up in a generation of convenience foods, a culture of sweets, and an age of depression and anxiety. No overweight woman wants to stay that way...but there are many factors that contribute to being overweight. And besides, just being thin doesn't guarantee health. So, while on the road to health, curvy girls should actually see themselves as beautiful. Are we saying that someone who is struggling with a food obsession is not beautiful, if that's the case? Thin people have addictions, too. Are we saying that being fat must equal being lazy? If you struggle with weight and you always have, how motivated are you to go into a gym with posters of thin sportswear models, TVs playing soap operas with plastic surgery models, and staff members who clearly do not need to go to a gym (or spend all their time there, one of the two)? Being overweight is not about being lazy. I'm thin, and I'm lazy. I'm weak, I waste time watching shows on Hulu, I have no lung capacity or endurance. But people tell me I'm beautiful. Based on...what?

I don't know where this is going. I guess I am supposed to appreciate being thin, even though I would really like a few voluptuous curves. Or maybe I am supposed to say "Curvy Girls, this is your time to shine!" or something equally empowering and affirming. I do want to say that, but I also don't want to be patronizing. Big women and bald women alike don't need slogans. We need to do what we can to be healthy and to see ourselves as beautiful. Convincing society that we are is a big job, but if enough of us get the confidence not to buy in to the market of packaged sexiness (one look fits all), then maybe the market will change and come to us: beauty in all shapes and sizes.