Princess Overload

The obsession with Disney Princesses in our society is becoming more and more evident to me as I look for topics to write about on my blog. They are ubiquitous, both on the web and on store shelves. I get it. I mean, who wouldn’t want to wear extravagant, colorful gowns and have adventures with talking animals and roguish men all the time?!

What is really fascinating about the Princesses is how many people have tried to reimagine them. By that, I suppose I really mean “re-image” them. As in, give them a new image. I have seen the Princesses bald. Fat. Old. Bespectacled. Depicted as suburban moms. Dressed in historically accurate costumes. Placed in dark settings of human suffering.

Why are so many people spending so much time trying to insert the Princesses into so many different contexts?


(lookmatic.com)


(deviantart.com)


(weheartit.com)


(fanpop.com)


(Dina Goldstein)

No wonder it's so hard to get my daughter to think about something else--anything else--besides Princesses. They are no longer one-dimensional, fairy tale characters. Now, they have walked in our shoes. Or at least we like to think so. We like to imagine the Princesses in less-than-perfect situations--maybe because we so desperately want to believe that the perfection they exude in their original context is really unattainable. If we could see from all other angles, maybe we would realize that we don't have to keep hoping to escape into the world of a Disney Princess.

We want them to step into our lives for awhile, if we can't step into theirs.

Are these re-imaginings helpful? I don't think so. I think they only serve to keep us fixated on these "characters". I appreciate the idea behind all these efforts to humanize the Princesses. Just as I appreciate how the latest Princesses have starred in stories which are about more than just love and marriage. Still, these stories and these new images are all pointing to a particular definition of "beauty"--whether by modeling it or depicting its antithesis.

Lately, I have heard some words coming out of my seven-year-old daughter's mouth that disgust me. I'll just be honest. And I have threatened to take Princesses completely out of the picture for her if I feel they are distorting her perception of others around her. I have allowed Princesses to be part of her life to a certain extent, but I'm discovering how quickly they can become an obsession. An obsession promoted and capitalized on by our culture.

Instead of reimagining the Princesses, I would like to refocus the lens on women (men too, but women in particular) who need to feel a little more brave, beautiful, deserving, talented, adventurous, and all the wonderful qualities celebrated in the Princess archetype. Let's get over the Princesses and the efforts to give them more and more "original" or "realistic" looks, and let's focus on actual reality.

I want my daughter to spend her time appreciating what she sees in real people, not surfing the web to see how many different kinds of Princesses she can see.

I want my daughter to see different body shapes, sizes, colors and ages as equally beautiful parts of a spectrum, not as novelty affectations on a Princesses body that make her giggle and/or sneer.

Most of all, I want my daughter to believe that life is valuable because it is given by God, not because the Princesses have endorsed certain aspects of it.

The 10-Day Redefining Challenge-Day 2

Today's challenge is going to be a tough one for me.

I cannot pass a mirror without looking at myself. I am so afraid I will have something in my teeth, hanging from my nose, or somehow embarrassing me in any number of ways that I am constantly checking and double-checking. I also like to see my pretty face, because I lived for a long time thinking that I didn't quite have what it would take to be the kind of pretty that people recognized. I live in the tension between being exceedingly vain and painfully insecure.

When I look in a mirror, I either waste time scrutinizing every detail to see what needs to be fixed, or I walk out waiting for heads to turn because I think I look so good. Either way, I am preoccupied with how I think others will see me. Really, I am preoccupied with trying to accept the way I look and reconcile that image with who I know myself to be.

I challenge all of us to go the entire day without looking at our reflection in a mirror, window, toaster, iPhone, spoon, or friend's sunglasses. After we get ourselves ready in the morning, let's go out and live our day with no clue as to how we look! Mirrors are distorted most of the time, anyway. I think this may free our minds to dwell on others a little more than ourselves. It will also free us to focus on our choices and relationships, rather than holding our head a certain way so that our hair, or scarf, stays the way we painstakingly arranged it that morning.

Good luck! And don't be hard on yourself if you find yourself sneaking a peek--it's a hard habit to break. Just glance at yourself, get your bearings back, and move on.


(Image taken from: www.fengshuicrazy.net)

Obsession With Nothing

A couple days ago my sister forwarded me a link to this video:



Good Hair Day with Jennifer Aniston.
(www.livingproof.com/goodhairday)

Apparently there is a project in the works to collect women's stories about how they see themselves. This project is sponsored by a company that sells styling products and is endorsed by a celebrity whose hairstyles over the years have inspired millions of ordinary women all over the country to rush to their local salon and demand a look that matches hers.

The company purports to be all about boosting confidence and finding creative solutions to hair problems. And, as it turns out, the project is actually a contest. You get to submit your story about your own hair obsession and perhaps win a day with Jennifer Aniston...and get a haircut by her stylist.

Encouraged by my sister, I entered the contest. Yes, I did. I sent in this picture:


and I wrote this about my hair obsession:

My hair obsession began when I lost my hair five years ago to alopecia universalis. I never had great hair before, and I didn't have the tools or the confidence to do much with it. Once I lost it all, I realized how much hair had to do with my sense of femininity. I think we are obsessed with our hair not because we are women, but because we have been told that hair is a sign of vitality, sexual freedom, and popularity. We are obsessed with hair because it's one of the most salient features of our body. It is our crown. It is a sign of health and having the means to take care of yourself and pamper yourself. I try to deny that I care about not having hair, but I buy long scarves and try to drape them over my shoulder like hair. I haven't been comfortable in wigs, because I truly aim for integrity and loathe the feeling of being "fake". So my obsession is about how others view me due to my lack of hair. I have accepted my loss, yet I long to have what I think men desire.

I encourage you to enter this contest. Not just to meet Ms. Aniston, but to provide a multitude of perspectives on what beauty means to women all across the spectrum. I always think these contests end up misrepresenting women, because usually the ones who enter are women who want to meet a celebrity and get 15 minutes of fame. I could be wrong. But if a more eclectic smattering of women share their stories, perhaps we really can start to poke holes in the cultural narratives about beauty and the way women see themselves and desire to be seen. A cursory look at the other entries does show a great deal of diversity, but it doesn't hurt to add a little more. Or a lot more.

Can't Leave Home Without It

I didn't buy myself a new Easter outfit this year. In fact, I can't remember the last time I did. Do thirty-year-olds still get to buy new Easter dresses?

I guess Easter outfits have become one of the "non-essentials". I don't really need one. I put together what I thought was a nice outfit for church yesterday, and thankfully I attend a church where clothes really don't matter. I love it.

But clothes do matter to me in general. I have tried to say they don't, but I am feeling more and more that clothes really do change how I see myself and act toward others. If I wear loafers to work, I feel like I make more mistakes in my teaching. I feel frumpy and embarrassed. But my feet are comfortable.

If I wear heeled boots to work, or heels anywhere, I have a more confident walk. I literally strut. Therefore, by some twisted logic in my head, I am able to teach and speak with more confidence.

Yesterday at church I was standing up on "stage" with the band, doing lead vocals for our Easter service. As I said, I had put together a nice outfit. Light slacks, a pretty navy peasant-style blouse, a springtime scarf, and a pearl necklace and earrings. And...my most comfortable pair of loafers. Heels just seemed too dangerous. I mean, who wants to fall up the stairs on Easter Sunday?! The problem was, I saw my reflection in a window and felt like a frump. It was hard to find a good standing posture that made me feel confident. Good thing that's not what worship is all about.

So I do have my preferred ways of dressing--I just don't want to label myself as a woman who cares about how she looks. That's not who I was up until a couple years ago. Well, that's not true--I cared a great deal about how I looked, I just didn't know how to change it. Late bloomers often don't learn the "tricks of the trade" (ie how to wear makeup or coordinate outfits and accessories) until, well, late in life.

I realized a few weeks ago how dependent I have become on my fashion choices, especially those concerning my face and head, when I rushed out of my house without earrings. I don't remember the last time I had done that before this fateful day. I ended up going all day without earrings. I felt as if I had walked out in my pajamas or something.

How is it possible for little pieces of cheap metal to have such an effect on my self-image? I don't know how. All I know is that I don't feel like a woman if I'm not wearing earrings. I'm sure it's because I have no hair. Earrings are how I prove my femininity to the world.



I will not make that mistake again.

I wish I could be free of the trappings of this world. They literally trap me. But I figure God made women complex and sensitive and yearning for beauty, so maybe it's okay that I have to wear earrings every day. They don't take a lot of my time, they really have nothing to do with modesty, and they make me feel a little better about myself in terms of relating to other people. I know earrings don't increase my value as a person, or even as a woman. They just give me enough of a boost to get out into the world and get things done.

What are your "essentials"? Is there anything you just can't leave home without?

How far...

How far would you go to look good? What would you subject yourself to in order to maintain a certain appearance?

These shoes are fabulous, aren't they?



I wore them on a special night. But I felt like a giant Amazon woman as I towered over everyone else in the room, and I could barely walk. Were they worth it? Ask WebMD...they have a great slideshow of the damage high heels can cause (see it here).


I have worn necklaces and wigs that plague me with itchy red skin for days afterward. I have suffered headaches from scarves tied too tight, eye irritation resulting from eyeliner applied right on the rims of my eyes, and a pinched gut from too-tight jeans.

Is it all worth it? This is all mild compared to the surgeries and procedures many people undergo in order to feel good when they step out of their homes. Why do we do this to ourselves?!

It's nothing new, of course. All cultures, throughout history, have created painful ways of maintaining "beauty". Corsets, footbinding, neck rings--if you can imagine it, it's been done.

It's such a shame. I don't mind a little itchiness or sore feet once in awhile, but it becomes a problem when I can't fully enjoy activities I normally would because my apparel and/or body is dysfunctional. I have begun to rebel against my need to look "just so" recently. I stopped wearing my high heeled boots to work (where I'm on my feet for hours at a time), I will go without eyeliner on my lower lids once in awhile, and I am much more careful about my head feeling comfortable.

Confidence is all about the refusal to need external affirmation of inner truths. I am a beautiful person. I can convey that better with a genuine smile than a pain-filled grimace. I will still wear fabulous shoes and glittery fake lashes when the occasion calls for it. But I will determine the level of discomfort I am willing to endure by the extent to which my appearance will allow me to connect with people.

So, I ask again...how far are you willing to go to "look good"?

Time to Go on a Diyet?

A friend of mine forwarded a link to me today, and when I clicked on it I saw this:



At first, it reminded me of another image I saw on another friend's Pinterest board:


So at first I though it was a hoax--a writer using child-like penmanship in order to illustrate a point and garner some attention about an issue.

But as I read on, I became convinced it was true. A seven-year-old wrote that list. And her mom is naturally very angry at society for upholding the values we do concerning appearance and beauty, which eventually led to this little girl making such a list.

Apparently the girl heard about this "diyet" from a friend at school. Who knows how the friend heard about it. Maybe she has a big sister who reads teen magazines.

I understand the mother's frustration. I, too, am worried that I will be forced to talk about issues with my young daughter that she really shouldn't have to deal with until she's much older.

I might try to look at it another way, though. Maybe these girls are writing about "diyets" because they have read about them and they seem like important, grown-up things to emulate. Like when a kid writes a "menu" and takes your order, or "writes a check" to pay for toys in their room.

But let's say these girls are taking this seriously. This mom did exactly the right thing and talked to her daughter about the beauty of her body just the way it is. I also suggest having the friend over and doing some activities that will get counter-cultural messages across.

But the real issue here is that little girls are taking their bodies very seriously. They are learning how to put on makeup, accessorize, dance and walk in ways that make them feel grown up. Because our culture tells them that their value lies in how much attention they can get for their looks.

This mom was questioning her choice to let her daughter play with a Barbie doll. I've been there, making the choice between giving in to my daughter's wishes for pretty playthings and trying to substitute her desired object with something less damaging for her self image.

I let her have a Barbie.

Because ultimately, I think balance is key. I let her have a Barbie, but instead of a Barbie video for Christmas I got her a Veggie Tales movie about true beauty. I think it's okay for little girls to learn from an early age how to take their of their bodies. I think it's okay for them to be affirmed in their desire for "prettiness". The problem comes when we limit the idea of "prettiness" to a Barbie doll or Disney princess. Another problem comes when we indulge them in their desire to grow up too fast. We womanize and sexualize our little girls because we think it's so cute that they look like little ladies.

Look at this swimsuit from Target:


It starts at size 4. Some moms probably think their 4-year-olds look darling in this little mini bikini. Let's face it, a woman's body is very pleasing to look at. Fine. But is the idea of a woman's body so alluring that we must project it onto little girls?

I haven't even addressed the issue of sports, dance, gymnastics and pageants for little girls. Again, balance is key. We as a society tend to keep pushing the envelope--maybe part of our "westward expansion" mentality. We could stand to sit back and let things be.

I'd love your reactions and thoughts.

30 Days of Redefining Beauty-Day 21

“You should not worry about the dings and the dongs, they are nothing but echoes.” -- Corrie Ten Boom

She was writing about forgiveness. When we are bound by wrongdoing, it's as if a/the devil were pulling on a loud, clanging bell. Once we receive forgiveness, the rope is let go. Any bell-like noise we may hear from then on is just the echo as the bell stops its swinging, no longer given momentum by an outside force but swinging, nonetheless.

Well, I am going to misappropriate this quote tonight. Even though it is Ash Wednesday, I am not going to write about forgiveness--I hardly feel qualified.

Instead, I am going to write about a freedom that operates much the same way. Actually, I should say "freedoms", because each reader will relate in a different way. So different, in fact, that I can't exactly name this freedom. But hopefully you will recognize it.

Have you ever had an obsessive crush on someone? The kind that keeps you up at night and causes you to routinely go out of your way in the hopes of crossing that person's path? You cry every night from the pain of knowing (for whatever reason) that you will never be with that person. But you move on, slowly. Maybe that person disappears from your life for some reason. Whatever the case, whatever the time frame, one day you realize that you haven't thought about that person all day. And at some point, you realize that even if you ran into that person you would not depart their company with that painful longing. You would, and will, be fine.

Or have you ever lived with a fear that you couldn't shake? The kind of fear that weakens your heart and deprives you of sleep, sucks all enjoyment from life, and saps strength from your body? You worry and worry about this thing and it becomes your constant companion, even as it moves from the front of your mind to the back...and to the front again. But you seek help: prayer, medication, counsel of friends, whatever it may be. And you mature. And one day, you are confronted with the very thing you feared, only to find that the fear slipped off your shoulders at some point. And you are free.

There are countless other situations like this, where something has a hold of you for so long that you begin to reference it when you give self-identifying information. And the release from it can come on gradually, like that bell that continues to ring after the rope has been let go. We may still hear the echoes, but essentially we are free. We may slip and act like it still has us in its grasp, but only out of habit mostly.

Today I was driving to the post office during my lunch break and I realized that I was content. I realized that I was living in total freedom from a couple things that used to plague me. And it was such a beautiful feeling! I knew it was total freedom because the knowledge of being set free did not spark any feeling of bereavement or temptation to go back to a familiar way of living. Total freedom. If I'm lucky, maybe even the echoes will have died out this time.