Can't Leave Home Without It

I didn't buy myself a new Easter outfit this year. In fact, I can't remember the last time I did. Do thirty-year-olds still get to buy new Easter dresses?

I guess Easter outfits have become one of the "non-essentials". I don't really need one. I put together what I thought was a nice outfit for church yesterday, and thankfully I attend a church where clothes really don't matter. I love it.

But clothes do matter to me in general. I have tried to say they don't, but I am feeling more and more that clothes really do change how I see myself and act toward others. If I wear loafers to work, I feel like I make more mistakes in my teaching. I feel frumpy and embarrassed. But my feet are comfortable.

If I wear heeled boots to work, or heels anywhere, I have a more confident walk. I literally strut. Therefore, by some twisted logic in my head, I am able to teach and speak with more confidence.

Yesterday at church I was standing up on "stage" with the band, doing lead vocals for our Easter service. As I said, I had put together a nice outfit. Light slacks, a pretty navy peasant-style blouse, a springtime scarf, and a pearl necklace and earrings. And...my most comfortable pair of loafers. Heels just seemed too dangerous. I mean, who wants to fall up the stairs on Easter Sunday?! The problem was, I saw my reflection in a window and felt like a frump. It was hard to find a good standing posture that made me feel confident. Good thing that's not what worship is all about.

So I do have my preferred ways of dressing--I just don't want to label myself as a woman who cares about how she looks. That's not who I was up until a couple years ago. Well, that's not true--I cared a great deal about how I looked, I just didn't know how to change it. Late bloomers often don't learn the "tricks of the trade" (ie how to wear makeup or coordinate outfits and accessories) until, well, late in life.

I realized a few weeks ago how dependent I have become on my fashion choices, especially those concerning my face and head, when I rushed out of my house without earrings. I don't remember the last time I had done that before this fateful day. I ended up going all day without earrings. I felt as if I had walked out in my pajamas or something.

How is it possible for little pieces of cheap metal to have such an effect on my self-image? I don't know how. All I know is that I don't feel like a woman if I'm not wearing earrings. I'm sure it's because I have no hair. Earrings are how I prove my femininity to the world.



I will not make that mistake again.

I wish I could be free of the trappings of this world. They literally trap me. But I figure God made women complex and sensitive and yearning for beauty, so maybe it's okay that I have to wear earrings every day. They don't take a lot of my time, they really have nothing to do with modesty, and they make me feel a little better about myself in terms of relating to other people. I know earrings don't increase my value as a person, or even as a woman. They just give me enough of a boost to get out into the world and get things done.

What are your "essentials"? Is there anything you just can't leave home without?