A few days ago I went to a free Zumba class in a dance studio. Have you ever been into a dance studio? The entire front wall is a giant mirror. Can you see where I'm going with this? A GIANT mirror.
Every move I made (or attempted to make) was reflected back to me. There I was, popping and locking (not really...) and trying to avoid eye contact with...myself. And still all I could see were arms and legs flailing. Now, I'm not the best dancer ever, but I'm far from being the worst. But I couldn't stand to watch myself--I looked so...disproportionate. That's the only word I can think of. My head and chest looked so small and compact compared to my enormous legs!
I write this in the hopes that you will read it and laugh at the ridiculousness of my thoughts, which you might find familiar in some way. We all look at ourselves and think some pretty strange thoughts:
"My nose is crooked when I smile."
"Look at that shoulder! It's higher than the other one!"
"One of my eyes is always half-closed."
These are all things I have said about myself when I look in the mirror or look back at photos. Chances are, no one else would notice these things. But we notice them about ourselves.
But how many of us would allow thoughts like these to keep us from going outside, drive us to get surgery, or sink us into a deep and lasting depression?
There are people who suffer from an over-abundance of these obsessions about bodily flaws and irregularities, real or imagined.
The disease is Body Dysmorphic Disorder and it's very real.
Check out this vid from You Tube.
It's very touching, but reading the comments on the site is incredibly sad and painful.
I guess I just want to create an awareness about this disorder, this struggle that we can all identify with and yet probably can't legitimize as an actual diagnosis. We need to speak with compassion towards each other. Words that are meant as playful teasing could be cutting right to the core of a serious illness or beginnings of an illness in someone predisposed to the disorder.
If you think you may be a person whose quality of life has been compromised by uncontrollable anxiety over your body, please seek help from a mental health professional. None of us should take lightly the negative thoughts about our bodies or our "selves" that often enter our minds without welcome. Yes, we can laugh at our silly thoughts in order to regain perspective, but it's no laughing matter when the thoughts won't go away and cause us to act in ways that are destructive.
Have compassion on others, and have compassion on yourself. That's all for now.
Monday, August 27, 2012
Saturday, August 11, 2012
Wrinkles? No--Story Lines
What do you think when you see this man?
(http://www.breakingonlinenews.org/wp-content/uploads/2010/11/TomSelleck.jpg)
Rugged? Handsome? Sexy? Yes. Tom Selleck is all of those things. Always has been, always will be.
What about this woman?
(http://ospoetry.homestead.com/Grease2/Pfeiffer/1/pfeiffer-5639315.jpg)
You probably thought "wow, she looks good for her age". That's what I thought. And I also noticed the crows' feet around her eyes.
Did you notice Selleck's wrinkles, too? 'Cause he's sure got 'em.
I use these pictures to call attention to the pressure women face to maintain youthful looks, more so than men. Correct me if I'm wrong.
Just look at the shelves in the grocery store. How much space is reserved for anti-aging creams and potions for women? Why don't men have anti-wrinkle night cream? (And why, by the way, is night cream so expensive? Not that I was looking...)
Confession: I have been horrified to discover lines around my mouth and eyes. And my neck--horrid. Now, I am only 31, so I know some readers will be laughing their heads off at my "signs of aging". Still, for a woman who was always told she looked way too young to have kids, the wrinkles are forcing me to face up to the reality that I'm not as young as I look from a distance. I guess none of us are.
Concession (no, that's not a typo. I am about to concede another point to the critics): Different mirrors and different lighting can either magnify or conceal the lines and spots on any person's face. I know that.
I'm simply acknowledging the very beginnings of the wonderful outward aging process. And admitting that, while I have not yet bit the bullet and purchased expensive night cream, I did buy some anti-aging daytime protective face lotion. Just to make myself feel better.
Now, I know men face their own age demons. Balding, for example. Weight gain. Hair sprouting. Not pretty. But if you men stay in shape and keep those hairs trimmed, you can still look great.
Woman have to work harder to hide wrinkles, sometimes even giving in to surgery. I would never do that, although I totally understand it. We women feel this pressure to maintain our youth. I can't entirely blame men or media, although I want to.
I don't want to focus on blame. I want to redefine aging.
Aging is not something to fear, or "defy" like the cosmetics industry pushes us to do. Age should be something to welcome. I talked with two different women just this morning who said they welcomed their 30s, because the 20s are just too tumultuous. Experience, maturity, wisdom, appreciation--these are such gifts. The state of our skin should not even be on the radar compared to them.
And yet we look at the wrinkles in the mirror and we become afraid that our youth is gone, that there are missing days we will never recover, that we have left the best behind.
I have a challenge for myself and anyone else who feels they need to reframe the aging process. For every wrinkle I discover in the mirror, I am going to tell a story. This is like showing off battle scars, you know? Each one was forged in a moment of struggle, pain, rescue, or adventure.
Well, each of my wrinkles can tell a story. Maybe not as specifically as a scar would, but I can still attribute them to moments of laughter, grief, performance, outdoor adventure, and experience. I want to see my wrinkles as maps of where my face has felt most comfortable during my life. And I want to create new lines in places that speak of smiles and joy, rather than frowns and anger.
Rugged? Handsome? Sexy? Yes. Tom Selleck is all of those things. Always has been, always will be.
What about this woman?
You probably thought "wow, she looks good for her age". That's what I thought. And I also noticed the crows' feet around her eyes.
Did you notice Selleck's wrinkles, too? 'Cause he's sure got 'em.
I use these pictures to call attention to the pressure women face to maintain youthful looks, more so than men. Correct me if I'm wrong.
Just look at the shelves in the grocery store. How much space is reserved for anti-aging creams and potions for women? Why don't men have anti-wrinkle night cream? (And why, by the way, is night cream so expensive? Not that I was looking...)
Confession: I have been horrified to discover lines around my mouth and eyes. And my neck--horrid. Now, I am only 31, so I know some readers will be laughing their heads off at my "signs of aging". Still, for a woman who was always told she looked way too young to have kids, the wrinkles are forcing me to face up to the reality that I'm not as young as I look from a distance. I guess none of us are.
Concession (no, that's not a typo. I am about to concede another point to the critics): Different mirrors and different lighting can either magnify or conceal the lines and spots on any person's face. I know that.
I'm simply acknowledging the very beginnings of the wonderful outward aging process. And admitting that, while I have not yet bit the bullet and purchased expensive night cream, I did buy some anti-aging daytime protective face lotion. Just to make myself feel better.
Now, I know men face their own age demons. Balding, for example. Weight gain. Hair sprouting. Not pretty. But if you men stay in shape and keep those hairs trimmed, you can still look great.
Woman have to work harder to hide wrinkles, sometimes even giving in to surgery. I would never do that, although I totally understand it. We women feel this pressure to maintain our youth. I can't entirely blame men or media, although I want to.
I don't want to focus on blame. I want to redefine aging.
Aging is not something to fear, or "defy" like the cosmetics industry pushes us to do. Age should be something to welcome. I talked with two different women just this morning who said they welcomed their 30s, because the 20s are just too tumultuous. Experience, maturity, wisdom, appreciation--these are such gifts. The state of our skin should not even be on the radar compared to them.
And yet we look at the wrinkles in the mirror and we become afraid that our youth is gone, that there are missing days we will never recover, that we have left the best behind.
I have a challenge for myself and anyone else who feels they need to reframe the aging process. For every wrinkle I discover in the mirror, I am going to tell a story. This is like showing off battle scars, you know? Each one was forged in a moment of struggle, pain, rescue, or adventure.
Well, each of my wrinkles can tell a story. Maybe not as specifically as a scar would, but I can still attribute them to moments of laughter, grief, performance, outdoor adventure, and experience. I want to see my wrinkles as maps of where my face has felt most comfortable during my life. And I want to create new lines in places that speak of smiles and joy, rather than frowns and anger.
Subscribe to:
Posts (Atom)