I began this blog as a way to redefine, or perhaps rediscover, the beauty of ME after losing all my hair to alopecia universalis over 5 years ago. Join me in the movement to see ourselves and our world through a lens not offered by our culture.

Thursday, April 25, 2013

Labels

This Sunday I had a 31 party at my house.

Nope, not my birthday. Sadly, I have already crossed that bridge.

No, Thirty-One Gifts is a company that sells bags, totes, wallets and other fun organizational packs. One way to get these products is through a product party. You know, where your friends come over and eat your food and watch a presentation about the products...and then, hopefully, they buy from the catalog so you can get some free stuff as a hostess!

That's not really what it's all about, of course. I especially like this company because it's Christian-owned, female-owned, practical, and supportive of business-minded women. And the consultant who did my party is fabulous. (If you're in the Chicago area, give this woman a call to do a party in your home!)

Just so you know, I have not been paid by Thirty-One Gifts to do an endorsement. I didn't mean to do a commercial for them. I'm just trying to give you a context for the really sweet activity we did at the party, which is very fitting for this blog.

The consultant called it "Labels". She had heard of my blog and asked me to share a little at my party. Since her company's motto is "Celebrating, encouraging, and rewarding others for who they are", she led us in an activity that had absolutely nothing to do with buying products and everything to do with encouraging my friends and I to celebrate true, inner beauty.

Each of my friends was given a label and asked to write one word on it that they felt described me. Here are some they came up with:



Then, one by one they had to come up and stick their label on me, sharing their word and why they chose to label me that way.



The goal, of course, is to redeem the concept of labels. We give others labels all the time that trap them in wrong and ridiculous ideas about their worth as people. Through an exercise like this, we remember to create uplifting and true labels about the parts of our character that shine through to others.

That's exactly what was so hard for me about this activity. The labels people came up with for me supposedly represent how they see me. But they are SO far from how I see myself. How can a person who is so insecure, irritable, guilty and troubled be seen by others as strong, cheerful, giving and soulful? I tend to think of myself as the person I think I am, but what if I'm really the person others think I am? What if my outward projections matter more than my inner struggles?

What if those closest to me--my husband and kids--could see me the way my friends, students and coworkers see me? What if I lived into these labels rather than my own?

I kept the sheet of labels. Now and again I hope I come across them and remember to treat myself the way others see me.

Saturday, April 20, 2013

Beauty Redefined?

A couple months ago I told a friend about my blog. When I told him what it was called, he said "I don't know if you can really redefine beauty". I defended myself by saying that technically you can't, but culturally speaking we need to do away with the connotations attached to the word "beauty".

But it did get me thinking.

If you look up the word "beauty" in the Merriam Webster dictionary, it reads: "the quality or aggregate of qualities in a person or thing that gives pleasure to the senses or pleasurably exalts the mind or spirit".

So no, in that sense you cannot redefine beauty. As the adage goes, it takes a different form in the eye of every beholder.

But then you look down and see this: "a beautiful person or thing; especially : a beautiful woman". So in the dictionary, "beauty" is essentially connected to women.

If you do a Google image search for "beautiful women", which I don't recommend, you will see hundreds of light-skinned women in sexy poses with body parts bursting out of their skimpy clothes. For real. That's how beauty has been defined based on how people in society have refined the search database.

Then you add modifiers, like beautiful black women, or beautiful Asian women, and you see basically the same thing. Mostly light-skinned women in sexy poses and skimpy (or no) clothes.

It's really, really sad. It makes my heart hurt for young girls.

And when you do a search for images of beautiful men, you get lots and lots of muscled nakedness. Really gross.

Why does a search for beauty lead to sex? It's pretty horrifying that the word "beautiful" can only link to one kind of image on a Google search. Boobs on women, muscles on men. Nudity in both cases.

We need to start tagging the words "beauty" and "beautiful" onto other kinds of images so the Google landscape can change. Images like these:


(http://madamenoire.com/)


(http://oldhamproject.blogspot.com)


(http://everydayfeminism.com)


(http://www.tcdailyplanet.net/news/2010/12/12/mujeres-en-liderazgo-latina-women-learn-lead)


(http://www.itsjusthair.com)


(www.hel-looks.com)


(http://sfvault.blogspot.com)

Young, old, man, woman, flat, dirty, dark, round, stringy, kinky...it's all beautiful by definition to someone. It's all God's creation, having been called "good" by God, therefore fitting the definition of beauty.

Start tagging pictures of everyday people living life with the "beauty" label, and let's see if we can redefine beauty for a world obviously searching for it.







Thursday, April 18, 2013

Inventory

Ways the world is changing me:

--I honk my horn while I'm driving now.
--I go to my job at a university with a plan in mind in case there is an active shooter.
--I get restless when it's too quiet.
--I can't go for walks by myself without at least some degree of fear.
--I can't go for walks at night, which used to be my favorite thing to do.
--My body rejects the staple food of my society: wheat.
--I drive with my phone on my lap.


Ways I am changing the world:
--I joined the Advisory Council for the park in my neighborhood.
--I teach English to immigrants and international students.
--I write this blog about how to recognize beauty "off the magazine rack".
--I intentionally send my kids to multicultural schools.
--I vote in Participatory Budgeting in my neighborhood.
--I sponsor two children through World Vision in Zimbabwe and Congo.
--I buy lunch for friends on a regular basis.
--I have my daughter in multiple therapeutic activities to provide her a solid foundation for dealing with her ADHD.
--I have taught classes preparing immigrants for their naturalization exam.


Just to name a few on a moment's notice.

Sunday, April 14, 2013

Shading

One thing I love about photography is the way one object can look like many, depending on variable factors such as lighting, background, contrast, and hue. You can see two different pictures of a bridge and not know you're looking at the same bridge in each.

I love creating moods in the pictures I take and edit. The same place can take on varying emotional shading just because the light is different. Or, more to the point, the filter is different.





I took these within minutes of each other on a single path, but they could easily have been taken at two different times of year, at totally different times of day. Which picture makes you feel more relaxed? Which is warmer?

I also love seeing photos of the same place from two different perspectives. I took this picture...



...and then I turned around and took this one:



Looking at the first one, you might expect a different sort of structure to be in place behind the camera lens (or, if you've been to the Gaylord Resort at the National Harbor in D.C., you would have already known what was standing behind).

Feelings can often be attributed to angles or filters. We only see one perspective, one shading, and we base what we think we know off of that view. What if we could see places, moments and people through multiple filters all at once? Would it help in achieving balanced understanding, or would it overwhelm and mute unique experiences?

My self-image is wrapped up in filters. I see myself in one mirror (literally) and I think "Okay, I am a competent woman, ready to go out and smile at people and get things done". But I look in a different mirror with different lighting and I think "Wow. I'm haggard and tired, and I want to curl up in a hole and eat chocolate because I can't face anyone".

My whole day can be spent in one mood, and then I look in a mirror and get a shock: "This is what I've looked like all day?!" Sometimes it's good, sometimes it's bad.

But the face I see in these mirrors does not accurately reflect my while story. Just like the pictures of the tree-lined path above both capture the essence of the scene, externally-imposed edits changed the way we interpret that scene.

I impose positive or negative "edits" onto my reflection when I look in a mirror. The essence of who I am, or what I look like, doesn't change, but the way I interpret my worth changes. I need to see worth in that essence--the defining contours that do not change or waver. Me, free of edits. Or maybe me with all possible edits superimposed at once. A well-rounded view of me in all my various shadings.

What would that look like?


Tuesday, April 9, 2013

Aww, naturale...

I'm really tired of not having hair. It's one of those days.

I was at an out-of-town event over the weekend, and shortly after arriving I realized I didn't have any makeup packed in my bag! I had packed it, then switched bags and left it in the bathroom back home.

Now, if I had eyebrows and eyelashes, I would've been irritated but not totally derailed. As it is, without these natural features I look too alien to step out in public. I desperately needed makeup for my eyes, or else I would have to lock myself in my hotel room.

You might be thinking, "You are beautiful without makeup. You don't need it. Be free." Trust me, when you have alopecia, you can't just go au naturale. You look sick. More than anything, I want to assure people through my appearance that there is nothing wrong with me. I'm healthy. These eyes don't look healthy:


Okay, so maybe they don't look so bad...but they are certainly not pretty. I still want to be pretty all the time. I don't know how to be free from that. I can't walk out of my house until my eyes look like this, at least:



The natural look can't exist for me. The natural look for me is actually unnatural. Natural would be having hair in all the right places. My look must always be slightly more put-together than most "mom-types". And I'm beginning to resent that.

Maybe I should go ahead with tattooed eyeliner. It's scary, but maybe if I didn't have to put eyeliner on every day, I would be able to move on with my life without the daily reminder that all is not as it should be in my body.

Would you do it?

You've seen my eyes "before and after". I think it's obvious that my eyes look better with eyeliner. But sometimes it's not an improvement. Look at these before and after photos from a cosmetic tattoo clinic and tell me if the clients look better or worse after getting permanent eyeliner:

1.
Before--


After--


2.
Before--


After--


(Pictures from http://www.artisticcosmeticsolutions.com/p_eyeliner.html)

I love the natural look on most women. I wish I could pull it off without eyelashes. Well, such is the world I live in. I can't be taken seriously if I don't wear eye makeup because I look too tired or sick.

So, your thoughts, please: Is permanent eyeliner worth the pain?

Monday, April 1, 2013

Can't Leave Home Without It

I didn't buy myself a new Easter outfit this year. In fact, I can't remember the last time I did. Do thirty-year-olds still get to buy new Easter dresses?

I guess Easter outfits have become one of the "non-essentials". I don't really need one. I put together what I thought was a nice outfit for church yesterday, and thankfully I attend a church where clothes really don't matter. I love it.

But clothes do matter to me in general. I have tried to say they don't, but I am feeling more and more that clothes really do change how I see myself and act toward others. If I wear loafers to work, I feel like I make more mistakes in my teaching. I feel frumpy and embarrassed. But my feet are comfortable.

If I wear heeled boots to work, or heels anywhere, I have a more confident walk. I literally strut. Therefore, by some twisted logic in my head, I am able to teach and speak with more confidence.

Yesterday at church I was standing up on "stage" with the band, doing lead vocals for our Easter service. As I said, I had put together a nice outfit. Light slacks, a pretty navy peasant-style blouse, a springtime scarf, and a pearl necklace and earrings. And...my most comfortable pair of loafers. Heels just seemed too dangerous. I mean, who wants to fall up the stairs on Easter Sunday?! The problem was, I saw my reflection in a window and felt like a frump. It was hard to find a good standing posture that made me feel confident. Good thing that's not what worship is all about.

So I do have my preferred ways of dressing--I just don't want to label myself as a woman who cares about how she looks. That's not who I was up until a couple years ago. Well, that's not true--I cared a great deal about how I looked, I just didn't know how to change it. Late bloomers often don't learn the "tricks of the trade" (ie how to wear makeup or coordinate outfits and accessories) until, well, late in life.

I realized a few weeks ago how dependent I have become on my fashion choices, especially those concerning my face and head, when I rushed out of my house without earrings. I don't remember the last time I had done that before this fateful day. I ended up going all day without earrings. I felt as if I had walked out in my pajamas or something.

How is it possible for little pieces of cheap metal to have such an effect on my self-image? I don't know how. All I know is that I don't feel like a woman if I'm not wearing earrings. I'm sure it's because I have no hair. Earrings are how I prove my femininity to the world.



I will not make that mistake again.

I wish I could be free of the trappings of this world. They literally trap me. But I figure God made women complex and sensitive and yearning for beauty, so maybe it's okay that I have to wear earrings every day. They don't take a lot of my time, they really have nothing to do with modesty, and they make me feel a little better about myself in terms of relating to other people. I know earrings don't increase my value as a person, or even as a woman. They just give me enough of a boost to get out into the world and get things done.

What are your "essentials"? Is there anything you just can't leave home without?