I was at an out-of-town event over the weekend, and shortly after arriving I realized I didn't have any makeup packed in my bag! I had packed it, then switched bags and left it in the bathroom back home.
Now, if I had eyebrows and eyelashes, I would've been irritated but not totally derailed. As it is, without these natural features I look too alien to step out in public. I desperately needed makeup for my eyes, or else I would have to lock myself in my hotel room.
You might be thinking, "You are beautiful without makeup. You don't need it. Be free." Trust me, when you have alopecia, you can't just go au naturale. You look sick. More than anything, I want to assure people through my appearance that there is nothing wrong with me. I'm healthy. These eyes don't look healthy:
Okay, so maybe they don't look so bad...but they are certainly not pretty. I still want to be pretty all the time. I don't know how to be free from that. I can't walk out of my house until my eyes look like this, at least:
The natural look can't exist for me. The natural look for me is actually unnatural. Natural would be having hair in all the right places. My look must always be slightly more put-together than most "mom-types". And I'm beginning to resent that.
Maybe I should go ahead with tattooed eyeliner. It's scary, but maybe if I didn't have to put eyeliner on every day, I would be able to move on with my life without the daily reminder that all is not as it should be in my body.
Would you do it?
You've seen my eyes "before and after". I think it's obvious that my eyes look better with eyeliner. But sometimes it's not an improvement. Look at these before and after photos from a cosmetic tattoo clinic and tell me if the clients look better or worse after getting permanent eyeliner:
1.
Before--
After--
2.
Before--
After--
(Pictures from http://www.artisticcosmeticsolutions.com/p_eyeliner.html)
I love the natural look on most women. I wish I could pull it off without eyelashes. Well, such is the world I live in. I can't be taken seriously if I don't wear eye makeup because I look too tired or sick.
So, your thoughts, please: Is permanent eyeliner worth the pain?
I think permanent eyeliner tats would help you relax about it, honestly. Like you said, you are totally derailed when you don't have your beauty arsenal with you. And we're all human and forget things! HOWEVER - Absolutely wait until you feel comfortable and confident about your choice. Because it IS permanent. And it is needles and ink by your eyeball! Definitely not something to head into without extensive research. If you want to try something semi-permanent for awhile, what about eye lashes? There must be something out there that lasts for a couple weeks at least? I DO think you're beautiful no matter what, but I also understand the way you're feeling. I love you!
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