She was writing about forgiveness. When we are bound by wrongdoing, it's as if a/the devil were pulling on a loud, clanging bell. Once we receive forgiveness, the rope is let go. Any bell-like noise we may hear from then on is just the echo as the bell stops its swinging, no longer given momentum by an outside force but swinging, nonetheless.
Well, I am going to misappropriate this quote tonight. Even though it is Ash Wednesday, I am not going to write about forgiveness--I hardly feel qualified.
Instead, I am going to write about a freedom that operates much the same way. Actually, I should say "freedoms", because each reader will relate in a different way. So different, in fact, that I can't exactly name this freedom. But hopefully you will recognize it.
Have you ever had an obsessive crush on someone? The kind that keeps you up at night and causes you to routinely go out of your way in the hopes of crossing that person's path? You cry every night from the pain of knowing (for whatever reason) that you will never be with that person. But you move on, slowly. Maybe that person disappears from your life for some reason. Whatever the case, whatever the time frame, one day you realize that you haven't thought about that person all day. And at some point, you realize that even if you ran into that person you would not depart their company with that painful longing. You would, and will, be fine.
Or have you ever lived with a fear that you couldn't shake? The kind of fear that weakens your heart and deprives you of sleep, sucks all enjoyment from life, and saps strength from your body? You worry and worry about this thing and it becomes your constant companion, even as it moves from the front of your mind to the back...and to the front again. But you seek help: prayer, medication, counsel of friends, whatever it may be. And you mature. And one day, you are confronted with the very thing you feared, only to find that the fear slipped off your shoulders at some point. And you are free.
There are countless other situations like this, where something has a hold of you for so long that you begin to reference it when you give self-identifying information. And the release from it can come on gradually, like that bell that continues to ring after the rope has been let go. We may still hear the echoes, but essentially we are free. We may slip and act like it still has us in its grasp, but only out of habit mostly.
Today I was driving to the post office during my lunch break and I realized that I was content. I realized that I was living in total freedom from a couple things that used to plague me. And it was such a beautiful feeling! I knew it was total freedom because the knowledge of being set free did not spark any feeling of bereavement or temptation to go back to a familiar way of living. Total freedom. If I'm lucky, maybe even the echoes will have died out this time.
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