Life is funny. Four years ago, I held my breath as I took off my scarf to reveal my bald head to my two-year-old daughter for the first time. I was so worried she would start screaming and that we would both be traumatized. But I kept it light, and she was fine. Curious, but fine.
Last Saturday night, I decided to wear my favorite wig to a dinner I was going to with my husband. It's a cute wig, but very bold: jet black wedge with purple in the bangs. I put it on and went out to say goodbye to my kids, and my two-year-old son started backing away, frowning. "I don't like it, take it off", he said. Far from being traumatized though, I simply chuckled and took it off, donning it later in the car.
I used to worry and worry about how my kids felt about having a mommy with no hair. Now, as I toy with the idea of getting several cheap, funky wigs that I can have fun with more often, I worry about them getting confused or shaken as they witness their mommy, the person who should always be rock solid, changing appearance so drastically.
I haven't gotten to the point yet where I can comfortably throw one wig off and another one on. For me, it highlights the fact that I am able to change hairstyles so quickly--in other words, the fact that I have no hair. But I am thinking about it, and I am faced with this question of responsibility for the feelings of others versus personal choice and fulfillment.
As a mom, do I have a responsibility to appear to my kids in a form they are comfortable with and feel loved by? Or is my responsibility to teach them about true beauty and acceptance, no matter how freaked out they get when they see me in "costumes"? Is there a certain age when it's more okay to make bolder choices with my appearance (I mean the ages of my children, not me)?
This brings up a whole host of other questions: Do I have a responsibility to make my adult ESL students feel comfortable around me? How can I dress professionally while also helping myself to feel confident in the classroom?
Do I have a responsibility to my husband to tailor my appearance to his desires? Does he have that responsibility toward me?
I just think it's interesting that, by the time I get comfortable with my own appearance (not an easy thing to accomplish), I begin to worry about whether others are comfortable with it.
For me, I've never thought of that while dealing with others; how they look or the way they dress..etc. Differences do exist between people and this what complement each of us. The only thing I am caring of is the personality whom I talk with. Simply a great sloe makes people closer and more comfortable together. Through my journey, the best friends I met who have a great personalities ;) It is a treasure having them, I thank Allah for :)
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