(Image from www.karipatterson.com)
Air comes out of a balloon so much easier than it goes in, leaving it crumpled and shapeless; stretched thin and fallen. It once floated, weightless with its own purpose, but as it loses its air over and over again, its skin wears thin, eventually giving way to a hole. Then it can never fly.
I feel like that purple balloon. Once in awhile I come to a point of inflation--a point where I fill up with positive feelings about myself and I soar upwards. But all too soon, a critical comment just sucks all the air out of me and I crumple.
I received some very subtle criticism in passing today, and I just withered. I'm sure the person who made the comment didn't think twice about it. He wasn't getting personal, he was just trying to be efficient (no, this did not happen in my home...this is a work thing). But I ended up feeling how I so often do when I get even a little bit of criticism: like an immature kid with no common sense. From then on, I doubted my work, my decisions, my ability to live well as an adult.
Why should one little comment, which some people would probably not even see as a criticism, do such a number on my self-image? Why can I only see myself the way I imagine other people see me? And I imagine that other people are either wondering how I have lived so long with so little brain, or are totally in love with me.
In the words of Beyoncé, "I got a big ego".
I need to deflate-proof my balloon; fortify it with truths about who I am, regardless of bad decisions I make or accidents I have. I need to see myself as unshakeable because I have been fashioned from material that is divinely planned, crafted and protected.
Actually, now I'm seeing the image of a hot air balloon, fed by a source that will keep me rising and traveling to places of new opportunity.
(Image from www.hotairballoonridescolorado.com)
May you, beautiful reader, not be so easily deflated.
My dad always said "be a duck, let words roll off you back like water does theirs..." easily said, not easily done. A counselor told me that a criticism from someone is like a large rock thrown at me... hurts and weighs me down. It only takes one criticism to knock down 30-40 good notes. So it's not at all surprising to hear how today's comment could deflate you - nothing to do with our egos. Just human nature of the good and negative that may come our way.
ReplyDeleteI'm getting better at being a duck! :) practice, practice, practice
Wendy, I feel this every single day! You and I are more and more alike with each blog written. Lol! I will have to go with the "practice make perfect" cliche for this one as well. Of ocurse, that doesn't mean no comments will ever hurt again once you realize words don't change you or make you less than you are. But it gets easier to let it go. Perhaps learning to confront the comment right then and there without seeming angry or hurt? Ask the guy... "What did you mean by that? Are you not happy with the way I'm doing something?" Then maybe the people making the comments will start thinking twice before speaking, realizing they are hurting someone's feelings!
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