Today I was at the park with my kids, and my daughter told me that my long scarf made it look like I had long brown hair. She then proceeded to "braid" it. I could have sat there for hours with her patting, wrapping, and tugging on my scarf. It reminded me of when I had hair and my sister or a friend would play with it and fix it up. Or when I would get to be pampered in a stylist's chair.
Of course I started feeling sorry for myself. I had a very strong sense of loss in the fact that I didn't have hair for anyone to play with or run their fingers through. "He ran his fingers tenderly...all over my bare scalp..." Doesn't do much for you either, does it?
I also felt a sense of loss on behalf of my daughter. Shouldn't every little girl get to experience the sweetness of brushing her mama's hair? My daughter won't.
But then I realized how much fun she was having pretending my scarf was hair. She was having just as much fun fixing it up as she would have had if it were real hair. And I was enjoying the physical sensations and the emotional bonding just as much, too.
Maybe my sense of loss actually stemmed from the feeling that my kids are growing up too fast and I haven't been as present with them as I'd like to be. Or maybe I had a moment of missing my mom. Maybe it didn't have to do with my hair at all.
For everything I thought I had lost after developing alopecia, there has been a "replacement" that seems to satisfy the deeper need or longing that hair provided an easy fix for.
Are you feeling cheated out of anything right now? My advice is to get down to the real issue and look for opportunities where a replacement might satisfy.
No comments:
Post a Comment