My 7-year-old daughter was playing with her doll collection the other day--a few Disney Princesses, a Skipper and her horse, and a couple Polly Pockets.
The dolls were having a party. Naturally, I hinted that I would like to be invited. The response was: "It's just for people who are pretty." Ouch. "I'm not pretty?", I asked her. "Well, I mean you're not pretty like they are, because they have pink and purple...(voice trailing off)".
I actually did have pink and purple on. I was in my pajamas, granted, but I had the required colors.
A few weeks later, my daughter decided to draw a picture of our family sliding down a rainbow.
I was at the stove, and all of a sudden she asks me, "Do you want me to draw you with or without hair?" Wow. I had never been asked that before! I told her to draw me without hair, since that's really what I look like. She ended up drawing me with hair (I'm up in the top left corner--can you see the curls on either side that look like short arms?) because "otherwise you wouldn't look like a mommy".
I know my daughter loves me just the way I am and thinks I'm beautiful. She tells me that all the time. I know she meant no offense. But it hurts to hear those things, nonetheless.
Still, I'm grateful (I think) for opportunities to challenge the "types" and the values we have absorbed from our culture. I'm glad my daughter will have to struggle with this concept of defining feminine beauty. I just hope Barbie doesn't win.
Words, even very innocent (maybe especially innocent) do hurt. Our children have to learn this. As she grows up, one day you'll hear her defend her family in ways that tell you she's matured and understands more and more about the differences between EveryOne = even her own family. For now, would it be OK for a mom to take all the hair off one of the Barbies?? mmmmmm??
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