How far...

How far would you go to look good? What would you subject yourself to in order to maintain a certain appearance?

These shoes are fabulous, aren't they?



I wore them on a special night. But I felt like a giant Amazon woman as I towered over everyone else in the room, and I could barely walk. Were they worth it? Ask WebMD...they have a great slideshow of the damage high heels can cause (see it here).


I have worn necklaces and wigs that plague me with itchy red skin for days afterward. I have suffered headaches from scarves tied too tight, eye irritation resulting from eyeliner applied right on the rims of my eyes, and a pinched gut from too-tight jeans.

Is it all worth it? This is all mild compared to the surgeries and procedures many people undergo in order to feel good when they step out of their homes. Why do we do this to ourselves?!

It's nothing new, of course. All cultures, throughout history, have created painful ways of maintaining "beauty". Corsets, footbinding, neck rings--if you can imagine it, it's been done.

It's such a shame. I don't mind a little itchiness or sore feet once in awhile, but it becomes a problem when I can't fully enjoy activities I normally would because my apparel and/or body is dysfunctional. I have begun to rebel against my need to look "just so" recently. I stopped wearing my high heeled boots to work (where I'm on my feet for hours at a time), I will go without eyeliner on my lower lids once in awhile, and I am much more careful about my head feeling comfortable.

Confidence is all about the refusal to need external affirmation of inner truths. I am a beautiful person. I can convey that better with a genuine smile than a pain-filled grimace. I will still wear fabulous shoes and glittery fake lashes when the occasion calls for it. But I will determine the level of discomfort I am willing to endure by the extent to which my appearance will allow me to connect with people.

So, I ask again...how far are you willing to go to "look good"?

(Not) So Easily Deflated

(Image from www.karipatterson.com)

Air comes out of a balloon so much easier than it goes in, leaving it crumpled and shapeless; stretched thin and fallen. It once floated, weightless with its own purpose, but as it loses its air over and over again, its skin wears thin, eventually giving way to a hole. Then it can never fly.

I feel like that purple balloon. Once in awhile I come to a point of inflation--a point where I fill up with positive feelings about myself and I soar upwards. But all too soon, a critical comment just sucks all the air out of me and I crumple.

I received some very subtle criticism in passing today, and I just withered. I'm sure the person who made the comment didn't think twice about it. He wasn't getting personal, he was just trying to be efficient (no, this did not happen in my home...this is a work thing). But I ended up feeling how I so often do when I get even a little bit of criticism: like an immature kid with no common sense. From then on, I doubted my work, my decisions, my ability to live well as an adult.

Why should one little comment, which some people would probably not even see as a criticism, do such a number on my self-image? Why can I only see myself the way I imagine other people see me? And I imagine that other people are either wondering how I have lived so long with so little brain, or are totally in love with me.

In the words of Beyoncé, "I got a big ego".

I need to deflate-proof my balloon; fortify it with truths about who I am, regardless of bad decisions I make or accidents I have. I need to see myself as unshakeable because I have been fashioned from material that is divinely planned, crafted and protected.

Actually, now I'm seeing the image of a hot air balloon, fed by a source that will keep me rising and traveling to places of new opportunity.


(Image from www.hotairballoonridescolorado.com)

May you, beautiful reader, not be so easily deflated.

30 Days of Redefining Beauty-Day 23

I don't know whether to laugh or cry. I thought I be super productive and get tons of housecleaning done today. Part of that grand ambition included doing a load of laundry--pristine whites, to be exact. This load included my husband's undershirts, our bedsheets, and a brand new white shirt I bought last week.

Well, you may have already predicted what's coming next (hint: look at today's picture). Yes, there was a bright red dust rag in the bottom of the washer, unbeknownst to me. I'm not sure why, since I was the one who threw it in there earlier this morning after dusting.

So I have pink sheets, a brand new pink shirt, and I will send my husband to work with pink undershirts.

I suppose I should laugh. The thing is, this is only the latest in a long string of similar mishaps--stupid accidents that waste money and could have been prevented had I been paying just a bit more attention.

Here are a few of my recent "brilliant" moments:
--left son's potty seat in the locker room at daughter's swim lesson
--booked a flight under the wrong date
--left butter and cream cheese out on my counter all day after a trip to the store
--put chicken in a crock pot and then forgot to plug it in all day
--lost daughter's permission slip for a field trip (still can't find it, deadline is today)

...just to name a few. And that's all in a week's time.

So where's the beauty in this? That's where you, readers, come in. Today's post is interactive. I need your help to see beauty today. I keep having brief moments of confidence and contentment, only to be quickly reminded how close I am to the edge of a breakdown! I exaggerate...but not by much.

So help me see the beauty in my life and my crises. Because all feels futile right now.

30 Days of Redefining Beauty-Day 14

The wallpaper shown above is called "Girlfriends" (available at http://www.scenicreflections.com/media/264457/GIRLFRIENDS_Wallpaper/). I love this picture. I think it shows how girlfriends never grow old, how we lean on each other as we look at life around us, and how we rely on each other's perspective to color the scene before us.

I love my girlfriends. They are beautiful and all very unique. I have been appreciating them so much more lately. Tonight I relied on my girlfriends to help me out of a Mommy Guilt trap.

You see, this afternoon I was planning on writing an entirely different post. I was playing in the snow with my kids after school--and we had an unbelievable (and long overdue) wonderful time together! We made a snow turtle, we threw snowballs at each other, we were carefree. Part of why I was able to enjoy this time was because one of my girlfriends offered to take my kids for the evening so I could go to Zumba. I was going to write about how the afternoon was all the more precious and beautiful because I knew I would have time to myself later and I recognized how short my time with my young kids really is.

But...then came time to go inside. Let's just say it was a very different scene trying to get my kids safely up the stairs and into the house. They must have gotten tired, because they were completely punch-drunk. Long story short, I ended up losing sight of the precious time I had with them and losing my temper completely. It wasn't pretty. Later, of course, I felt like the last woman on earth who should be allowed to be raising children. I felt like scum for yelling at my kids, especially my daughter.

So naturally I cried to my girlfriends. They calmed me a bit, they shared their own horror stories, they gave me perspective. And in their company, the things that were eating me up inside suddenly didn't feel so toxic. I felt hope.

Thank you, my lovely friends. The ones who received my pain tonight, and others who have been there on countless other occasions to hold me through the most trying of times. You know who you are. I love you and am so grateful for you.

You are beautiful.