A Day Like Yesterday

Yesterday was my favorite day of the year so far. And this is why:



It was finally spring. I planted my little flowers in my box just in time for my perfect weather day. I'm a little obsessed with weather. Not like the "checking the weather report every five minutes and reading books about how tornadoes form" kind of obsessed. My obsession really is not about the weather but about my mood. I'm obsessed with my mood.

I feel the most comfortable on a day like yesterday. It was 61 degrees but it felt like 70. The sky was a bright gray and smelled like rain and fresh mulch all day. Not cold and rainy, not sweltering hot...just perfect. The kind of day when I can sit on my deck and read a book without feeling guilty that I'm not out riding a bike or playing at the beach. The kind of day where I can walk around my neighborhood without my toes freezing or my umbrella turning inside out.

The kind of day that matches my nearly perpetual mood. Not threatening, not exuberant, not oppressive. A little on the melancholy side but with a lightness that delights in remembering and looks ahead with realism.

And there are certain activities that I only like to do on these days where I truly feel like myself. Reading, eating and watching movies immediately come to mind, although yesterday was far more productive than I imagined it would be. But there are other things, like shopping for a used novel or playing through a new piano book, that can only be truly and fully enjoyed on a day like yesterday. Oh I can do these and a number of other activities on any given day, but there is something deeply satisfying to me about a slightly melancholic day, when I am both propelled out to small accomplishments and lulled to my room for soul-rest.

Hot, sunny days make me a bit anxious. I feel this pressure to get out and enjoy the weather, when really I'm not an outdoorsy person. I get headaches from the heat, I hate getting sunburns, I'm afraid of deep water, I don't have a bike, and I am terrified of competitive sports.

Cold, dark winter days are cozy, but tromping through snow and getting kids in and out of sopping clothes lost its charm for me years ago. Not to mention the fact that it gets dark at 4:30. Darkness on that level oppresses the mind.

So a drizzly spring day really is the best. I hope for a long spring full of these days.

What's your favorite weather? When do you feel truly at peace with your environment?

30 Days of Redefining Beauty-Day 25

After a whole slew of days that looked like this--



--we finally had one that looked like this:



The sun has been so long in coming that my three-year-old couldn't stop asking me why it was so sunny this morning. My poor child doesn't think it possible that we could have a sunny day in winter!

Although it was too cold to get outside and enjoy the sun today, it was incredibly good for my soul to its afternoon rays streaming through my window as I played with my children. I felt this familiar comfort wrap around me, although it's a comfort not entirely free of melancholy. It's that winter afternoon light kind of feeling. I hope you have felt it before. It's the feeling of being totally at home, yet knowing that there is something fleeting about this moment--and also realizing the promise that you will find your true home one day.

All at the same time.

This kind of light most often hit me in the mountains as a young girl growing up in Colorado. It was very romantic; the kind of light for dreamers, which I have certainly always been. So now, when I see the same shade of afternoon in my city condo, I feel especially at home...and especially drawn to another place and time. It's a lovely paradox. It's being thankful for grace while knowing I have not experienced the fullness of it.

What's your favorite kind of sunshine?

30 Days of Redefining Beauty-Day 5

It was so easy to see beauty today: in the rain, in my students, in the book I'm reading--everywhere. So I decided to challenge myself and look for beauty in places where I usually only see brokenness. I decided to look for beauty during my time with my kids after school. Sadly, our afternoons together are usually marked by stress, fighting, and struggle rather than joy and beauty. But today I made an effort to see good in my kids and in myself as we interacted.

And I found beauty in something that I tried today but have never been very good at: letting go. I was supposed to take my kids to their after-school park district activities today, but I didn't feel like battling my way through city traffic to get there late and leave early to rush to the other kid's site...so I blew it all off. I brought my kids home instead and made a plan that involved some early rounds of basketball (before the neighbors downstairs got home), some play-doh, and generous snacks. And it worked! My kids were delightful. I wasn't tense as my son did layups on the hardwood floor; I didn't once regret not taking them out to their sports activities; and I realized that not following the original schedule might actually serve us better at times. My kids are active and need activities, especially in the winter, but they also need the routine of coming home and being free to be themselves in a safe space.

I'm not saying I didn't experience any stress today, and this evening was certainly a test of my patience, but this afternoon was a lesson in learning to let go of my need to do everything I had planned to do and put the kids' "needs" first always. Today I tried to merge my needs with my kids' needs, and we made it work beautifully.

When was the last time you changed your plans or adjusted your schedule on a whim? How'd it go?