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We all take up space. We are privileged to live and move within a personal bubble, able to exercise control over at least our immediate surroundings. Many people take full advantage of this "right". They strut, they argue, they flirt.

Me? I don't like to assert my space. I prefer to pretend that I don't really take up any space. I step aside, I lower my eyes, I back off. I don't loathe myself--I just think other people would be put off if I were to privilege my space, and all that goes on within, over theirs. I am, essentially, a people-pleaser. I never want to be the cause of strife. But this is not truly about wanting the best for others. I think it's more about wanting others to think highly of me. Always.

But lately...

I have had to let others know, sometimes rather assertively, that I have just as much "right" to be in my space as they do in theirs. I suppose it's for my growth that I have increasingly been thrust into conflict, but it's actually really draining for me. For some divinely ordained purpose, I have a family made up of strong-willed lawyers and lawyers-in-training. My husband and kids are incredibly bright lights. They are fierce, smart, and loud! They are not ashamed of the space they occupy. They don't just breathe in its air; they suck it down like lemonade. They dance, they laugh, they shout. They argue. They don't look back.

But as their personal bubbles stretch and expand with so much life inside, they bump into other bubbles. And walls. And rules.

And I have to patch up the other bubbles, or at least stop them from quivering in the wake of...okay, my poetic analogy has fallen apart. You get the idea. I now find myself regularly facing conflict with the very people I have spent my life trying to appease: neighbors, counselors, teachers, babysitters.

My husband told me recently that maybe the purpose of these conflicts is to set me free from the need to have people like me. I don't need to be everyone's friend, he told me. And I have to wonder.

Is it so wrong to want to keep the boat still? When the boat rocks, people fall overboard. And I hate getting wet.

But, for better or worse, I do have to grow up and toughen up. I have to stand in my space and raise my voice without fearing that someone will question my right to be where I am.

Yeah...I'll let you know how that goes.

30 Days of Redefining Beauty-Day 12

Everything as it should be.

How does that phrase make you feel? Personally, I feel at peace. Some of you might feel bored, but this is for the people who read that and breathe a deep sigh of relief.

Today I woke up to more snow than I have seen so far this winter--and that's not saying much. This and last winter have been incredibly mild for the Chicagoland area. I haven't complained. It was wonderful to take my kids to a park after school in January because it was 60 degrees! It felt so healthy and life-giving. No, I didn't complain and I won't if it happens again.

BUT...this weekend my husband and I took our kids sledding, and today I tromped through several inches of snow and slush to and from (and to and from, over and over again) schools and work.

I hated it (well the sledding was fun, but the slogging and scraping is not). But because I am growing used to the idea of seeing beauty in unexpected places, that phrase popped into my head: "Everything as it should be."

It should be cold and nasty in Chicago in the winter, for heaven's sake! I don't like it, but there is something beautiful and right about kids bundling up to go sledding in February rather than picnicking in the park.

I say this because I grew up in Colorado. For readers who grew up in places like California and Saudi Arabia, "winter" means something totally different.

So take the general idea and apply it whatever you want. Where in your life can you see the beauty of "the natural order of things"? Where have things been off lately? Do you embrace sameness or change--or both equally?!

30 Days of Redefining Beauty: Day 2

Today I had so many moments of beauty that I wondered how I would choose one to write about. Then came another stressful evening and I find myself needing to write about all of them.

The first happened this morning as I set off for an errand in my car. I turned on NPR, but instead of talk I found myself listening to a lovely little track that so perfectly fit my mood at the moment.

Then, I went to a nonprofit organization with a friend today. It's not quite in my neighborhood, but close enough that I know the area pretty well. This agency serves those in poverty, equipping them with skills they need to gain employment. While there, I saw a bone thin man with stringy hair shuffling around--and I knew his face. I've seen him on the train before. It hit me then that I really am getting to know my community. I was struck by my interconnectedness to other people.

Finally, tonight I had to drive into the city for a high school basketball game. I didn't want to, because I thought I would be stuck in traffic for too long with hungry, screaming kids in the back. But the road was clear, and the city was beautiful tonight. I was reminded how much I love getting out and seeing the night lights.

So, how about you? When was the last time you felt the interconnection between you, your fellow human, and the place where you live?