Well, today I woke up with my eyes itching and decided to forego the eyeliner. Scarf, yes. Earrings, yes. Eyebrows, of course. But nothing around the eyes.
This takes guts for me. It seems silly, but it really takes guts. When I first lost all my hair and went back to my parents' house for a visit, I was self-conscious about walking around the house with nothing on my head or face. My mom said "You still look like you. It just looks like you have the flu." I really appreciated that comment in that moment, because I remembered that a pale face and lack of makeup doesn't change what we basically look like and how we are identified.
A few months ago, I was talking to someone (My boss maybe? I don't remember) and I was griping about having to put eyeliner on every day. She said "Well, you don't have to, but you feel more comfortable that way." I realized then that I'm not obligated to wear makeup so that other people don't have to face the awkwardness of looking at someone who has no hair. It's completely my choice.
So with those two comments in mind, I haven't put anything on today in order to give my itchy eyes a chance to breathe, irritant-free.
I did see a guy today who looked at me funny and said "Sorry, but I'm looking at--did you do something different with your eyebrows?" I immediately thought ("oh no, they're askew!"). But I think he was noticing the lack of eyeliner.
Until that little moment, and not his fault at all, I felt pretty comfortable about how I looked. I thought this morning that I don't look so bad without eyeliner.
I know that people who love me and support others with alopecia will comment and say I look beautiful no matter what. Regardless of what others say, it's very hard for me to see myself this way. But I get braver and more resilient every day.
By the way--I do think my eyebrows are askew! Haha...well, if it's not one thing it's another. Some people's eyebrows grow that way right? Stop focusing on it. ....
You're absolutely right. My right eyebrow is much fuller and less curvy than my left. So you usually draw your eyebrows on, I luck mind till they look appealing to me. We all do these things. We all also wear makeup and think we look less feminine or weird without it. I also never go anywhere without mascara at the very least. You are not sponge in these thoughts. And yes you are beautiful. Naturally. :)
ReplyDeleteOur society is so set in it's ways. Women at work have always washed off all their makeup so they'd look tired, and then tell their boss "I don't feel well" and head home (or shopping... hahaha). I look at people and wonder "what's different with them today" and so I stare until I realize they may have shaved, or let hair grow on their face (mostly men, teehee), or pierced something, or got new glasses...... it happens to us all. Wendy, you are noticing things much deeper than most of us because of your "awareness", but it's very common these things you are going thru. Take a Big Breath and relax and enjoy being YOU, the you God wanted at this time in your life. --MOM
ReplyDeleteMy eyebrows are naturally askew, if it makes you feel any better. One is always slightly higher than the other. And I have pink eye this week and am avoiding eye liner and mascara. I think I look crazy. My puny eyelashes don't make up for it. I wish none of us worried so much about what others think of our appearance, but we do. :)
ReplyDelete-Nancy