Being content with who I am does not and should not mean that I don't look for ways to become a more fully developed human, a better wife and mom, and a healthier woman. A self-professed contentment can easily become just the excuse I need to stop trying when things get hard.
I have always lived in the gray bog that hangs between depression and elation. I enjoy life, but I'm not out to get thrills or conquer the world. Occasionally, I get really sad and stuck. Also occasionally, I dance around the house and cross off everything on my to-do list. But most of the time, I'm "content" to be a person who needs a lot of down time and has a small life.
But accepting myself this way keeps me from trying life another way--any other way.
But the plot thickens when you add mental illness and special family needs to the mix. I have already been diagnosed with Major Depressive Disorder, and I'm fairly sure I'm going to earn a place of the Bipolar spectrum. I don't say that lightly. It's just fact. So "contentment" and motivation to change are a little less...intentional, it seems. Then there's my family. A fragile person like me (I know I'm oversensitive--no shame here) is easily overwhelmed by having a child with ADHD. So my lack of motivation often feels like either recovery or reinforcement.
So, contentment. It's hard for me to arrive at, maybe even harder to move forward from. My challenge today is to pursue contentment and growth at the same time. For me, this reflects the beauty of the living art that I am--beautiful in my frailty, beautiful in my potential, beautiful in who I am and who I can be.
Find your contentment and imagine where you can go from there.
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