I'm here, I'm staying

I went into a dressing room today and had a minor shock when I saw my reflection in the mirror. Washed out face, dark circles under my eyes, eyeliner rubbed off, wrinkles around my eyes and mouth that I'm sure weren't there yesterday. The lighting is never gentle in fitting rooms. Maybe it works for the clothes, but it does nothing for the face. I thought I was looking at my ghost.

And then I got over it! Mind you, I was in one of those stores, and picking out one of those pairs of jeans, where I would normally feel like I didn't belong if I didn't look totally hot already when I walked in the door.

But today I acknowledged the fact that I am older than I used to be, I'm a mother of two, I've had some minor health issues lately, and I'm at the tail end (I hope) of a harsher winter than I have endured in a long time. Maybe ever.

And I want a cute pair of jeans, no matter what I look like in that damn mirror.

Of course my skin will not look like a Cover Girl ad. Sadly, I don't carry an airbrush in my car. I still have every right to be in a hip store. And I accepted that today without shame.

I think this is a good step. Feeling like I deserve to be where I am. That I don't have to "fit the part" in order to allow myself to fully participate.

Tell me--where are those places that make you doubt your worth? Next time you go to one, take a minute to acknowledge the imagined "flaws" that feel very real to you, accept that you have them, and then let those thoughts pass right on through. Do what you went there to do.